My last blog post was 14 months ago. I can hardly believe I finished all of my treatments that long ago. One part of me feels like it was decades ago and another part of me feels like it was yesterday. Regardless of the amount of time that has passed I know I have aged beyond my years during my illness. I no longer am "half ass" with anything. I give it my all because life is too short.
In May 2012, 1 year post-diagnosis I had my first full check up post-radiation (and all treatments). I was told it was MOSTLY good news. The bone (my sacrum) showed signs of healing but there was a new tumor. I felt my stomach drop to the floor. I had more tests done and doctors weren't sure if they could even do an "exploratory" operation because of the location. This new tumor was about 2cms in diameter but it was in front of my sacrum, where the original tumor was; but this one wasn't growing off of my bone.
My original tumor disappeared during chemo, which means this new one GREW during radiation... how is that even possible when I had the highest dose of radiation possible shot directly at the area 30 days in a row?
After 6 months of consulting with different doctors, I had major abdominal surgery in Halifax on October 1, 2012 where the doctor moved my organs, cut through blood vessels and nerves to try to find this tumor. It's not like it is bright blue with a name tag on... everything is the same color inside. The surgery was over 3 hours long and I woke up with 30 stomach staples, a catheter and an epidural. All firsts for me. Once the epidural was taken out I felt much better it made me head stoned and every time I would try to get up I was sick. I progressed much quicker once that was taken out. I spent 2 nights in hospital and went home to anxiously await the results.
The doctor didn't know if she could 1) find the tumor and 2) if she could, she might not be able to take it out depending on what it was attached too (they thought it was attached to my artery in the MRI images).
2 weeks later to the day, the doctor called me at home and told me she took out lymph nodes and everything came back negative. She said I should take the news extremely positively and I did. I immediately started bawling.
If the results had come back saying the cancer had returned, there were VERY limited options for me as I have maxed out on most chemo and have maxed out on radiation. She told me at my consult that if it is cancer I would go on palliative care to remain comfortable until the end.
Imagine getting your life "back" essentially to only hear that you have a new tumor and if it is cancerous that the end is near.
I have had a check up since surgery and everything looked good. The "tumor" is still there but it hasn't changed in size and now the radiologists are referring to it as scar tissue from the radiation.
I have severe nerve pain in my sacrum which I guess isn't uncommon post-radiation and can last for a few years. I hope mine doesn't last very much longer as I am literally paralyzed in pain and NOTHING takes it away.
I realize I am extremely fortunate to be alive and extremely grateful for the life I have been given.
I have been through an emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually challenging few years and I feel that I have turned into a more caring, considerate person and I am affected by other people's ignorance more. I volunteer and speak for the Cancer society and find that sharing my story will help others, as hard as it can be for me. When I give my speech I break down because it almost doesn't seem real to me.
My sister had a baby girl last week and I cannot wait to meet her in two weeks.
Life is a gift. Enjoy it. Love one another.
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